philopopsicle once exclusive, now accessible to anyone. don't convince yourself that just because you have read some of my bloggerings, it doesn't necessarily follow that you already know me as a person. most of the words written here are just a burst of an immense emotion that needs to find a decent way of break through. i may not write well as you think you do but what the hell, it is my blog. and for those who appreciate, gratitude is my sincere shot.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
I MOVED 5:50 PM
NO LONGER BE WRITING HERE
moved to:
http://strawberriwasted.wordpress.com/
see you there :)
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
feliz cumpleaños mi amigo! :) 9:13 AM
I don't know how to start it. :P
SO here's what I'm gonna do:
Write my first impression
Write something about you
And how I think this friendship lasts and a short message
When I first met you I just know we'd be even-steven as hell. I don't really know how it happened… We all know that you're friendly as fuck... (ahaha pardon my choice of words :P ) but I kinda tend to choose my crowd. I have this "first-impression-last syndrome" but to be dead-fuck serious I didn't even had a first impression on you… It was like we were really here to exist to be friends… We never knew how it happened but just did. It's really hard for me to trust anybody but for you its like an outpour of trust. I can exactly be how I feel, exactly be how I think. I don't even remember if we had something in common or something we can never jive at… I can't even remember not knowing you… Its like God placed us together at the same place to freaking know that being acquaintance doesn't always be the case.
So to tell who you are on my perspective? I think you're one hell of a DOPE friend. :) I'm really lucky to have you as a friend. Why? Well duh?!? Tell me, who could possibly tolerate my nincompoop-ness? Who can tolerate a call at night when you're enjoying a deep freaking sleep and on middle of something important decides to listen to a bonkers friend just to hear a fucktard problem? (I feel like crying right now really but I can't because my sisters stares as me like I'm some kinda lunatic :P) You know I couldn't thank you more nor less… And I think you're dope in anyway I could possibly think of… You're thoughtful as hell, A good brother, son, boyfriend and friend as inferno! :P (I'm not kissing ass here. You freaking know me and read me like a book… I tell what I wanna say) I know sometimes you can be a drag especially when it has something to do with school or something you really wanted or really don't like. You're one HARD-HEADED bitch! but I couldn't think of you as something less! You're my bestest friend and I know you as fuck, before you even say it I already know it! :P We'd have one hella'f a time just sitting on a bench at a very corny setting… We can eat for hell we care even if we turned out to be an obese when we're together… We'd think of something stupid and something genius at a time! We can always be close together at conversation even we're fuckin' billion miles apart! We can not talk for years and still know that one day if we bump again to each other like the fist time we met, we'll still perfectly know each other like we never missed a thing on the past… (Yes. You smile and freaking agree on it… because you know in your mind and heart that it's freaking weirdly far-fetched TRUE) I will never forget how you comforted me on times I was at core-low… I know sometimes you get pissed at me for being insensitive but you know I never mean to be that way… I will never forget how we had fun: food trips, road trips, movie trips, inuman trips, or just by staring at the vast air. You're one hell of a company!!! Nobody will never enjoy just being with you mehn. I will never be able to tell you how awesome you have been and will ever be with words, I guess it will always be that way… An experience always be treasured and something to look forward to. :)
How this friendship works and will probably last? To tell you honestly… Nothing. It's something we spontaneously have and will always have. :P We can never NOT understand each. Just dope-ly innate :P So for my short message: You know what you want my friend, pursue it. You're responsible enough to know things at this point so you better value the things you have now especially HER (you know who I'm talking about…) You will never be able to find someone like her anymore one hell of a SHIZNITZ mehn. Better hold on it enough, I bet you don't want her gone. You're lucky to be with the one you love, you don't know how much it sucks not to be with her… So remember that I will always be here to listen… I will always have the time, I got your BACK Bro. :) Happy Birthday and again wishing you an extreme level of BLISS :)
miss you.
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Happy Dad's Day 4:31 PM
I knew that it's gonna be difficult for me especially my dad wouldn't be around most of these times now. But I never knew it's gonna be excruciating really. I'm starting to loathe my mother. Really. Sometimes I really don't even wanna think about her. She makes simplest things so hard for me. It's difficult than it is already and sometimes I just wanna stop and pause and cry my fucking ass out. She's really getting into my last freaking nerves. MOST OF THE TIMES I miss cramming home just to see my Daddy because he completes my day :( Now I don't even wanna go home really. Because even if you work your ass out and make the floor shine like a fucking mirror nothings gonna be good enough for her. Fucking exhausting. I also miss my daily conversation with my father wherein I tell him what happened to me all day and like wise and now I barely even talk to him and hide every experience with my mom because I wouldn't want him to worry and that's the last thing I would want to give my Dad… a head ache :( I also miss how I save my weekends to spend with my Daddy because now I just wanna be dead busy because there's nobody worth the time I could ever spend with the greatest friend… :'( I also miss eating with my Daddy because no matter how I don't like the food It makes me wanna spend the whole day in front of the table because there's nothing greater than spending it with my father just in front of me telling me something very valuable :( I just really miss my Daddy so much. And I wish I can do something so that I can hug and kiss him on this very special day :( I wish I could have spent more time before I left. I imagine how it would really help just to have him around. :(
And now, I am trying to contain everything even the most painful things because of my Daddy. I would do anything for my Dad. That's how he inspire my every being. I could take anything for my Dad. I just hope I could really spend this day with him just to motivate me… But for sure the greatness of his love for us will keep on burning. Never less. Never gonna fade.
And to the GREAT-EST FATHER
Happy DADDY's Day my Super Love
I love you so much. I will make up for your greatness…. One of these days :)
HAPPY FATHER's DAY TO ALL.
Hug them for as long as they're there :)
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
It's as if time flies to fast here 11:53 AM
Friday: Six Flags Magic Mountain
Saturday: Went to a prayer meeting + Lector-ed for a novena (since I don't have voice) + Ate/ Grilled at our pad with friends
Sunday: Responsorial + Movies with friends
Monday: Memorial Day...
yup memories...
Time flies so fast here that I remembered it has been 2 months since I left. And because few of the most important people in my life messaged me as hell then IT WAS A DAY TO WALK ON THE MEMORY LANE... And I just miss them so much. To YOU my friend, the reason why I wasn't reading your messages is because I was saving it for the days that I would be hell dead sad... But when you serve the Lord you wouldn't feel any of that pala.. It's as if He fills everything that is missing. But sometimes you wouldn't escape the fact that you really face problems and that you desperately miss somebody/ some people...
To my numero uno best amigo, I really wish you could come here. I know you've been longing to tell me your stories and you know I feel the same way too... You don't know how I utter your name most of the times even if nobody knows you. It's just different when you are here... somebody to tell my stories and like wise. So yeah, I heard you've been having too much fun! Watch out you might get caught! Value the people who value you most, you wouldn't wanna lose them. Be very careful. You would't wanna realize one day that you've lost your everything and everything else are all fucked up just because you would wanna explore something and forcing your self to believe that there is really something going on. So yeah. I just wanna tell you to put your career first and everything else will follow. I really wish the best for you. You are the one person I would really wanna be happy because you deserve it more than anybody else :) I got all psyched up that you are now really planning to go here because the last time you weren't really convinced at all... I really hope to see you soon!!
And to my Daddy, Urgh you are my saviour and my best-est friend and my perfect man. I just really miss you as hell. My prayers always embraces you.
And to my ONE and ONLY. My super friend and my LIFE PARTNER, you don't know how much I would do anything for the both of us. Sometimes I envy the people who could be together that easy but hey we're not here for the easy... We're made for the tough and bliss. We'd make hard kiss our asses. I've decided that we wouldn't be "The sweetest love that got away" like what you used to mention before "We'd be the greatest love that conquered" I'm not worried that you might find other love and I might consider any because I know the fact that nothing will compare to what we shared and what there is to come... Like what I've told you... We'd enjoy the times the world makes us yearn for each other because I am going to make us work and we'd be together for the rest of our lives. You know me. I never say things like this, not when I am certain and not if I want it so bad...
GOODNIGHT! :)
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
Friday, April 23, 2010
Valhalla 1:17 PM
Hey,
yes you :) :P
I'm surprised how you really write me those long messages! haha. nakakaaliw. so not likely of you. TAMA Mom mo! haha... punta na dito! haha :P Actually I'm having a hard time reviewing here because my sisters are all psyched going out with me, this week end we're planning to go to Knotts. I can't freaking study. I don't know what's gonna happen to me. Plus my driving test is driving me crazy too. I desperately need a driver's license. At grabeh namang 650 pesos! oh well. i know how it feels... at first it doesn't matter how many digits there are as a price of your food because you're enjoying but once you paid and the money is no longer yours... remmorse really takes place. oks lng yan. alam ko marami pang nakasiksik jan! haha :P and and... that pool you were talking about... I've been longing to just soak myself there. haha. dibale, we have so much time to be pool-hunting :) take care now :)
i'd catch up on you and update you later :) miss you :)
"Obligations never prevented anyone from following their dreams. Remember that you are manifestation of the absolute, and DO ONLY THOSE THINGS IN YOUR LIVES THAT ARE WORTH THE EFFORT. Only those who do that will understand the great transformation that are yet to be seen. "
...and of course Coelho struck me as the usual :)
but of course like any other quotations i oppose, which i think is very nincompoop like like...
"There is no sin but lack of love. Have courage, be capable of loving, even if love appears to be treacherous and terrible thing. Be happy in love. Be joyful in victory. Follow the dictates of your heart." tsk.
yada yada...
gooooodnight :)
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
I can't fucking think of a title. shit. 6:48 AM
To my dearest bestest friend :)
(naks. anonymous kuno) ittry ko na talaga magsulat dito kahit di naman ako nalulungkot. alam mo naman na nagsusulat lang ako dito pag malungkot ako e. i guess naka- adjust na talaga ako. surprisingly. ambilis solid di ko akalain. i'm happy here. sana makapunta ka ren dito. feeling ko mas magiging masaya. apply for visa, i'm sure you'll have 90 percent chance of getting one. the only con is that you a newly grad and a nursing grad... but what the hell, take chances! hehe.. pasyal kalng dito! haha. miss na kita solid. alam mo yun. haha.
... and so i've read your emails. haha. nakakatuwa solid. you don't know how much you made me happy. you know how simple i am. you know how simple letters make me smile like a bonkers. but you know how sometimes a shed "eye drops" whenever i miss. haha. so yeah. you freaking made me cry again. i'm just so happy you update me on things happening to you. i wish i could still receive more. haha. you know i'm always eager to hear from you. i'm freaking sloth to sit in front of my computer but i hope i wouldn't grow that hair you were talking about, plus i'm always out so i have few times at home to go online. nga pala, what happened to jo and cis? okay na ba sila? or still having snags? sabihan mo lang ako. i'd try to go online, or private message you on fb :) nga pla kamusta review? ako, i'm self reviewing, i don't know how far i'd go. haha.
okay. so for the longest time i've been here this is one of the few times i cried my ass, not because i was sad, doubtful nor uncertain but because i was happy. i don't know why you're so good to me. you're always there when i need you. there are times i wanted to tell you stories on how i am scared of how uncertain my plans are, i couldn't, because you know i'm trying to control my self from bothering you. but i know you'd be mad to hear that. i know you. as much as i wanted to hear from you, you feel likewise :) and i am always thankful for that. but you know how i'd spare you from all my dramas. hehe. wag ka mag alala pag di ko na kaya, you're always the person i'd run to, one way or another. you know i'd always find you and wake you up from sleep! haha. don't worry about me my friend. i'm doing fine here. babalitaan kita ng mga tips. and i am requesting for more letters/updates. i hope you don't feel like i'm not here anymore just because i don't go online so often. you know i'm always here. no matter what.
i miss you and i love you my friend :)
And to my dearest cousin :)
i've read you letter too. haha. sorry antagal. you know me. i reply late on text and no difference when it comes to letter. haha. you know me, i'm preoccupied with so many vivid things. you know i miss you. and of course you made me cry again. you don't know how comforting you are to me even if most of the times i ruin your day because of my mood swings. good to hear you feel more comfortable in my room and imagining how clean it is now that i'm not using it anymore. haha. i'm so blessed that you're right there now to be with daddy and jet. you don't know how thankful i am with you merely just your presence. i heard you were doing good in school too. hope now that i don't bother you as much to eat at night and all my favors you can finally concentrate, hehe. but you know how i miss our midnight kwentuhan and snacks, our movie trips, our singing-showers...i'd miss how i fight with you because you never fought back. you know how kind you are. and i know how good hearted you are and i know you'd go far. i appreciate how you write. keep on doing that okay? i'd love to hear more from you. don't miss me too much. we'll see each other here soon. so study hard. i miss you! i love you! :)
now i understand why your titas would like you to write them once in a while... i also request more letters/updates!
love you my bienee :) mwah
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
Monday, April 5, 2010
Happy Easter Everyone :) 3:16 PM
I have been out for the past few days now. Just 2 days of tears, proud of my self :) I've learned so much since I've been here. Although I super miss my Daddy and Jethro and most of my friends.
I can say I can sleep better now, everything here inspires me. Sometimes I think it's not the matter on how you plan things, it's just how you work hard for the things you want at the very instant, the passion to acquire it, and how you value just what's right in front of you.
I'm happy because I'm not blogging anymore over some useless heartbreak. But i must thank because that person never made it hard for me. You must guys understand that i am mourning because of the doubt and uncertainty i feel at this very unfamiliar place. But I thank the people that surrounds me for making me feel that I belong here. I am satisfied because at least thanks to technology me and my Dad can still converse (Oh, I miss my best friend). Good thing I've invested more on my Dad more than anybody else.
Awhile ago, while we spend Easter Sunday at the church and Cheesa's place, I've never felt warm since I got here. What-a-wonderful people. I thought I would only be able to see people crowding over the piano singing there ass out having fun on TV screens, with all those old Filipino songs and English too coz the youth sometimes can't relate.. haha. But it can happen in real life pala. I just really had super fun. Nanay and Troy was the BOMB. Love this day. It was indeed a Happy Easter. I just really miss my Dad. I just miss how we'd sing together and just enjoy those classical music…
Happy Easter Daddy :)
Happy Easter Everyone! :)
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
Friday, April 2, 2010
I needed to write. 9:04 PM
i was pondering all day if i'd write or not, because no matter how i focus on one thing i always end up staring at the vast air like some lunatic. yuck. i desperately need to release this offing emotions. i'm at some grieving stage right now for i've lost my favorite person. I think still in denial going to anger… but most probably in denial.
today, as i woke up… i tried to do something productive, went to the bank and then went to DMV and church and ate out with my mom and sisters and as i got home, sat in front of my computer trying to study… but still can't stop the urge of writing…
so now that i'm here
all the hurtful words came running on my mind like: "so should we end it?" really? after everything that has happened everything i have given? really? "baka naman pa nakita kita mukha ka nang trapo" what? tsssss…. (anger stage?) haha… i know i'm far from acceptance… but i'll get there…
is this what i wanted to hear from you?
thank you nalang.
~
MARICAR's Letter For Daddy
(read it and for sure you'd cry)
> My TRUE Valentine
> <>
>
> ‘You
> can’ t build up a family without dads and moms love,
> caress them when there
> their watching over you because Gods love is within
> them.’- Maricar Lerum
>
> Well
> Philip Lerum, Happy birthday ! I can’ t believe I’m not
> there But , I’ m always
> there to watch you blow your candles and put on that
> beautiful smile even if I’
> m not there physically . I miss you oh so dearly . Its like
> living with no food
> here. Its like having no arm to write with . Its like
> having to watch a movie
> blind . It sucks not to be there and tell you dad ‘ Happy
> birthday’ and give
> you a kiss on the cheek But thanks to technology ,
> everything’s changed (:
>
> Dad,
> thank you for all the biggest and smallest things you’ve
> made me receive . And
> sorry for being a typical teenager forcing you to buy me
> this and that .
>
> I
> want to thank you for making me feel a dad’s true love to
> his daughter. For
> holding my hand when crossing the streets, Watching over my
> teeth and telling
> me every night ‘Nag toothbrush ka na ba?’ and making me
> feel like a princess
> everyday of my life . For
> getting mad at me , because now I know my faults. For
> always agreeing with me even though I’m so wrong (: For
> reminding me everyday
> that you love me . For giving me your warmth when I’ m
> freezing cold. For
> always telling me things the ‘calm’ way. For teaching
> me about God . For
> caressing me when I’ m out of my mind.
>
> I
> can write a whole novel thanking you for all the things
> you’ve done to me .
> But, I know you know that I’ m very thankful to have the
> super dad that everyone asks for
> .
>
> I
> can’ t imagine a better dad then you . <3>
> me and giving me Gods
> love .
>
> OH
> DADDY DADDY DADDY ! I love you so so so so so much
> .
>
> -February
> 8.2010 [Maricar]
>
>
>
> Oh
> what a day !. It was pouring hail today. My shoes were
> soaked with all kinds of
> evaporated water that the sun absorbs through the clouds.
> Pee, spit, water put
> together to make nasty nasty rain . It was atypical because
> I never really saw
> or felt hail .
>
> Well
> I remember last year the first day you spent with me. I
> remember it was raining
> that day and I didn’t go to school because I wanted to
> stay up late and laugh
> as you and ate jhoi told the most funniest things I’ve
> heard .
>
> Today
> , reminded me of that day because when I was at school for
> my hip hop classes.I
> called you letting you know that I wanted to be picked up
> and brought home dry
> so showing me you were a great dad YOU DID. And I never got
> the chance to say
> thank you for bringing me home safely and dry .
>
>
> One
> thing I always remember about you . Is constantly asking me
> ‘ How was my day or
> Kamusta ka na ?’ those questions belt a great bonding
> with me and you .
>
> Recently
> no one has asked me that since you left so now, I ask mommy
> how was work because that
> specific question reminded me
> that daddy always asked me this , I want people to feel
> that there loved and
> cared about because you made me feel that way , because
> even though my day was
> dull you still listened to me . thank you so much . and HOW
> WAS YOUR DAY TODAY
> DAD ?
>
> HAPPY
> BIRTHDAY DAD ! iloveyou<3>
whenever this kind of topic caught my distance i really tend to get so emotional. [yuck. superficial.] you might think it was just some ordinary conversation we usually make, but to be honest, it is really a big deal for me. this is the kind of matter i tried to run away and escape from, but because eventually, maybe a year from now, this will be the matter that will hunt me down and surprise me no matter how i prepare my self of.
i cried when you told me your honest opinion about the matter because i do believe it will be harder for me in any angle we try to visualize it, and you can never deny the fact that i won the argument. for a moment i'm still lucky for i was given the chance to allot time with you guys.
addingthe fact that you were the one who opened that subject makes it harder for me to synthesize.
-shit i promised not to be emotional-
"YOU'RE MORE MATURED"
naks. we never get that kind of complement on a regular basis. i know. i am proud of me too, more than you know. less mad and less non-affectionate. sometimes it surprise me too on how i handle things now. sometimes it's never really about how that person sees you but on how you see yourself. plus i am less of a rant-er now. you're right, i guess i am different. [smiles]
so back to the previous topic...
like before when i always thought i would never be able to get over things, like i have never been able to get over up 'til now, maybe, just maybe, i'd be able to learn how to breathe the same way people does there. maybe in time... i'd be able to accept things are the way they are really suppose to. just come and go. like how easy he takes the air even if a part of him is to leave... i know i can learn that too. faster that i could ever imagine. but for now, the thought that the people who drives my will part out of my reach cuts every sanity left in my control.
tomorrow will be different.
welcome to coldplay's strawberry swing
peace out.
tnx bes for inspiring me to write again, needed it. :)
Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you would never let forget these images, no
I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
>
> [February
> 9, 2010]- Maricar.
>
>
>
> I
> didn’t have the chance to write this day , but I love you
> oh so dearly .
>
> Happy
> Birthday Pader <3>
>
> [February
> 10,2010]
>
>
>
> I’
> m so, so tired right now dad .
> School is
> the biggest headache ever. I don’ t know what it is about
> school that makes it
> oh so damn hard .
>
> I’
> m really sleepy and I remember I would snuggle around your
> big tommy and be comfortable as
> clouds of heaven as my
> pillow . Now as I look through the bed I only see boring
> dumb ORDINARY pillows
> . Everday makes me miss you because of the things you did .
> The feeling you
> made me feel and most importantly to feel the love I always
> asked for .
>
> Sometimes
> I wished that the phillippines was just a doorstep away so
> that when I need
> you. I go over and tell you all the most stupid things
> I’ve done, just like my
> real diary .
>
> I
> miss you everyday dad .
>
> Buti
> pa sila jet atchaka si ate Jhoi palagi katabi mo. Buisit
> haha .
>
> [February
> 12, 2010]
>
> “Happy
> Birthday to you, Your one year older, and you look younger
> .” lol.
>
> Happy
> Birthday best dad ever . Since America Is one day behind
> Ill write this in your
> Original Birthday and also Happy Valentines.
>
> Another
> day to say I love you !
>
> Sometimes
> I wonder What it feels like to have no dad. And that vision
> not having you for
> all my years to come .Just makes my ambiance feel so
> horrible . That it will be
> impossible to be who I am today without your fatherly
> support . Holding my hand
> through all the steps to become a role model just like what
> you’ve showed me .
>
> To
> me you’re my dad, friend, teacher, cook, diary, maid,
> taga laba, taga sigaw,
> comforter, taga bili , my blanket and everything else I
> could imagine . To me
> your one of the most important person . Next would be mommy
> and my makulit na
> siblings.
>
> I
> can’ t ever imagine not spending my life without you . It
> would be like walking
> in broken glass and all this heart aching pain .
>
>
> I
> wrote you this because I wanted to let you know that
> without you, its like
> living without anything in the world. Ever since the day
> you left. I felt like
> I was walking by myself, like I had no guide to anything .
> Its crazy how one
> person can be a big part of your life . I hate the fact
> that sometimes I took
> you for granted, and I promised myself not to be the person
> I swore to be .
> Now, that your not here I’ m breaking that .
>
> But
> you see , Just talking to me in the phone telling me all
> this things about the
> Philippines reminds me that I have to
> make you and mommy happy , not always disappointed
> and feel a little bit
> of dismay about me .
>
> Mommy
> always told me that parents are a show of God’s love, Now
> that I know what she
> meant . It means the whole world to make you and mom happy
> . Its difficult for
> me thow because I have to make adjustments with my actions
> and its difficult to
> let someone you became just be thrown away . But, all of these are for the good of
> everyone
> .
>
> Dad
> , I love you so much and I know that actions speak louder
> than words but, for
> this case the only way I show you I really love you is by
> telling you in words
> . It sucks not growing old with you haha.
>
> I
> always try to look for this valentines day crap but, I
> haven’t opened my eyes
> and realize that my real valentine is you . My dad. Thank
> you for giving me
> life, for making me be who I want to be even though
> sometimes what we choose are
> the worst. I guess you made us feel the basic mistakes and
> consequences any one
> can make .
>
> I
> also thank your mom for teaching you about the world
> because you passed that
> knowledge to me.
>
> You’ve
> made a difference in my world , and because of that I
> can’t thank you enough .
> Youv’e done the best job as a dad . Worked hard for us
> and made us the greatest
> people we can be .
>
> I
> would blurt out a bad word but that would be un-formal,
> because your love and
> your guidance is the craziest thing I’ve ever
> received and I can’t express
> myself without that word . Los Angeles society sucks at
> their vocabulary. Now,
> I can’t express myself correctly hahhaaha .
>
> I
> wanted to give you this letter , and maybe later on write
> you a whole novel
> because I wanted you to feel special today and feel special
> everyday , I wanted
> to make you smile or even cry when you read it .
>
>
> Nag
> papasalamat po ako sa manga tamang Gawain na tinuro nyo sa
> akin . My life would
> be a mess and worthless piece of trash without you . I love
> you dad and Happy
> Birthday and Valentines day
> .
>
> Love,
> Your daughter Maricar lerum
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
Thursday, April 23, 2009
to leave or to be left behind? 9:57 PM
whenever this kind of topic caught my distance i really tend to get so emotional. [yuck. superficial.] you might think it was just some ordinary conversation we usually make, but to be honest, it is really a big deal for me. this is the kind of matter i tried to run away and escape from, but because eventually, maybe a year from now, this will be the matter that will hunt me down and surprise me no matter how i prepare my self of.
i cried when you told me your honest opinion about the matter because i do believe it will be harder for me in any angle we try to visualize it, and you can never deny the fact that i won the argument. for a moment i'm still lucky for i was given the chance to allot time with you guys.
addingthe fact that you were the one who opened that subject makes it harder for me to synthesize.
-shit i promised not to be emotional-
"YOU'RE MORE MATURED"
naks. we never get that kind of complement on a regular basis. i know. i am proud of me too, more than you know. less mad and less non-affectionate. sometimes it surprise me too on how i handle things now. sometimes it's never really about how that person sees you but on how you see yourself. plus i am less of a rant-er now. you're right, i guess i am different. [smiles]
so back to the previous topic...
like before when i always thought i would never be able to get over things, like i have never been able to get over up 'til now, maybe, just maybe, i'd be able to learn how to breathe the same way people does there. maybe in time... i'd be able to accept things are the way they are really suppose to. just come and go. like how easy he takes the air even if a part of him is to leave... i know i can learn that too. faster that i could ever imagine. but for now, the thought that the people who drives my will part out of my reach cuts every sanity left in my control.
tomorrow will be different.
welcome to coldplay's strawberry swing
peace out.
tnx bes for inspiring me to write again, needed it. :)
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
ALMOST LOVER 2:27 PM
Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you would never let forget these images, no
I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
You are everything i wanted,
and more...