philopopsicle once exclusive, now accessible to anyone. don't convince yourself that just because you have read some of my bloggerings, it doesn't necessarily follow that you already know me as a person. most of the words written here are just a burst of an immense emotion that needs to find a decent way of break through. i may not write well as you think you do but what the hell, it is my blog. and for those who appreciate, gratitude is my sincere shot.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
paranoia speaking 1:34 PM
I can't feel it anymore.
I'm so sure I've been here,
this was the part when everything
is near to its end...
Just the same cycle,
with different scenarios.
I knew it,
delusions of persecution
with or without grandeur...
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
Thursday, June 19, 2008
at least 11:31 PM
first day of wallowing in tears finally over.
i can get use of this self-over-using,
makes sleep a little easier. i guess.
i miss you.
goodnight.
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
i walked 10:21 PM
if you want your day to be more productive you better stop reading this entry.
[yes, from here.]
so i guess you're bored to be continuing.
and very hard-headed.
A FINAL CAVEAT
don't read!
so i did walk all day. i don't know what i got from doing it but sure i did not accomplish my agenda. i started walking at about 1:30 pm and went home at about 2:30, i know what i was doing was non sense. walking alone looking for a stupid slipper. (hope it doesn't sound like a rant) so i slept as i got home, never bothered whether i ate my lunch or not. so somebody called and told me that we have to get the result of that stupid swab test result. (now i am really ranting) i started looking for that effin' slipper again at about 4, i have texted all the possible people i could run to for help. (i bet they were all bugged and annoyed after) and i guess i have been to every wet market there is here in sucat. yup, i walked alone. i'm proud of my self actually, i was able to cross the street by myself with out getting hit or run-over. (some proud fool here) after walking for two hours, thank goodness it wasn't that hot, or should i say, thank goodness the sun wasn't that excruciatingly scourging, but i got this thingy, like a rash on my hand or somesort, due to sweat and dust from our polluted air. great. just what i was looking for. so i got so tired and decided to just buy the things which i need too, that is more of into my reach. i went to the nearest mall. looked for the slipper for the last time, but unfortunately, it wasn't there to be found, so i gave my self a favor and sat at some bench near where kids usually play. i just stared at the people passing, letting my mind drown out of its sanity, rested, sat, slouched, and lolled for a while. and while i was staring at these gorgeous flickering lights which is astoundingly hypnotizing, a cute little girl held me and awakened me from my oblivious state. all i could do was to smile at her and say nothing. she called me mommy and i did not know what to answer in return, the next thing i know her mother came and i end up chatting with her mother which made me miss my mom. and as soon as they left my mind never came back to its placidity again. so i decided to leave too. but as soon as i stepped out of the escalator there was this two guys who's so psyched to see their mom. they welcomed there mom with a very warm hug. i felt envious because i don't have my mom here to run to for a hug at time like this. times where in i'm neither happy nor sad. but most probably near being sad and frustrated. stressed about everything. stressed of school, stupid stuffs, stupid settings, stupid timings, and stupid people all joined together creating this crappy feeling. and so i walked away from the scene i fully witnessed. as i approached the exit there was this dude who is calling for his mother, shouting "mama" with this italian accent. so came up to a conclusion. i get it! my mom is far! and i miss her... [tears.]
i just miss her...
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
a message via sms 8:55 PM
quotation from a friend:
by some mischief of fate,
we might ONLY truly fall in love once.
that one GREAT LOVE old folks refer to.
many lovers may get into our lives,
but there is only one person,
with that one kiss, one hug, and
one moment, that our hearts will never replace.
that person usually, but sadly
is that one that got away...
that's why, after all the chips are down,
we know, we just know
we'll NEVER fall inlove that way AGAIN...
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
Sunday, June 15, 2008
For The Superb Pop 12:49 AM
for my father: Philip Alegre Lerum
if i were to choose the most ideal person i know, that would probably be my father. besides being an excellent provider, and leader of the family, my dad is also exceptional when it comes to teaching, lecturing, cooking, budgeting, paying, sawing, fixing, cleaning, baby sitting, playing, giving, and even by just being... if i were to be asked to describe my father, i would only use the most delicate and exquisite words there is because i wanted to depict the most important person in my life as perfectly as possible. as much as i love my mother in an immense quantity, i proudly accept the fact that i am daddy's little girl. [literally and idiomatically speaking.] so you might wonder why i speak about my father with such high importance and significance, well, because whenever Dad's day approach, i am reminded on how i'm so lucky to have the most adorable, coolest and cutest (hehe) father there is. another more thing that i am very thankful of is that, my dad talks and listens. he's really a very good conversationalist. he makes sure that we, his sons and daughters, have the right to speak up our minds, tell our opinions and even have the privilage to choose and make our own plans as early possible as long as we could reason out our decisions. it is very surprising on how we understand each other in a very vague conversations. like for example...
incident # 1
jhoi: daddy, napagalitan ako sa school kasi inaway ko yung kaklase ko
daddy: [laughs.] bakit?
jhoi: sira ulo kasi e
daddy: pala away ka talaga. wag kang ganon.
jhoi: e kasi naman e...
incident # 2
...i sneaked the car from our house going else where because i wanted to practice my driving with some friends. but just as i got home, my dad suddenly arrived from work too. i was so scared that he might find out that i sneaked the car because the engine was still hot, i decided to tell him right away as soon as he stepped into my room...
jhoi: daddy, tinakas ko yung kotse kanina
daddy: o? o di ayos. san ka naman pumunta?
jhoi: jan jan lang. kasama ko si gela.
daddy: okay. magaling ka na ba magdrive?
[whew. shet! akala ko masasabon ako nang 'di oras. hehe]
incident # 3
...my cellphone bill reached 6,000 php...
daddy: [very mad.] ang laki ng bill mo!
jhoi: [scared. silent.]
daddy: ikaw magbabayad nito!
jhoi: [still scared and silent.]
daddy: last time 5,000, ano ka ba?! akin na yang telepono mo! kung sino sino tinetext mo!
jhoi: [i cried because i was so scared.]
after 5 seconds...
daddy: o ito na telepono mo! next time ikaw na talaga magbabayad n'yan! magtipid ka nga!
incident # 4
daddy: jhoi, tara golf tayo.
jhoi: yoko, boring e
daddy: cge na nga, mang-chi-chick nalang ako.
jhoi: tara na! magbibihis lang ako. tss.
incident # 5
...i just arrived home from a party...
daddy: o umaga ka nanaman umuwi, ano ginawa ni'yo dun?
jhoi: wala, uminom yung mga kasama ko...
daddy: uminom ka?!
jhoi: hindi. hello! nagddrive kaya ako.
daddy: dapat uminom ka kahit konti
jhoi: [wakeke. labo ng tatay ko]
incident # 6
jhoi: daddy, alis lang ako ha?
daddy: hindi pwede.
jhoi: bakit hindi?
daddy: o sige.
(i know. my dad is very ambiguous.)
incident # 7
jhoi: [fed up with my geom homework.] urgh! di ko maintindihan!
daddy: intindihin mo kasi!
jhoi: [teary-eyed.] ayoko na. bwisit na ako.
daddy: lika nga, tingnan ko. [understands. solves.]
...after awhile...
jhoi: ay. ganon lang pala yun.
daddy: [batok.] iyak iyak ka pa jan.
incident # 8
daddy: p*****i** ayusin mo nga pag-ddrive mo!
jhoi: alam ko ginagawa ko.
daddy: muntik na yun a!
jhoi: ikaw ba nag ddrive?
daddy: [silent.]
(hehe. i know. i can make my dad shut up too. hehe)
incident # 9
bianca and maricar: tara ate punta tau glendale galleria.
daddy: o dalhin n'yo na yung kotse.
jhoi: ayoko natatakot ako magdrive dito.
daddy: sus. takot takot, tinatakas mo nga yung kotse sa pilipinas e. kaya mo yan.
jhoi: e pano pag nahuli ako?
daddy: edi bigay mo lisensya mo sa pilipinas saka yung passport mo. tapos bahala ka na sa buhay mo.
jhoi: huhuhu...
and
incident # 10
jhoi: daddy, pinagdrive ako ng mommy ni sam papunta splash
daddy: o di ayos. buti pinagkatiwala sayo yung kotse?
jhoi: oo nga e.
daddy: o di kita mo na kung mas gano kita pinag kakatiwalaan?
jhoi: [i really don't know what to say after what he said. i would want to hug him because he trusts me with everything but because i was shy and i'm really not that affectionate, the only thing i was capable of uttering was...] matagal na.
[my letter for daddy]
to daddy,
what is said infront of the page is incomparable to what you do or us all in all. we can never find a daddy that is more hardworking as you are, because no daddy would do the laundry, dishes, drives and babysits besides doing what a normal father does for his family. we mostly appreciate what you do for us. daddy, thank you for giving us, me most especially, your trust... you never know how it helps me as a growing person. you are not just a good provider and a leader to our family but also a bestfriend, the best conversationalist and an awesome listener. thank you for taking into consideration our thoughts, feelings, and opinions... we can never ask for more and we can never thank you less. we love our most adorable superhero.you and mama are the best thing that happened to jhoi, bianca, maricar,and jethro. Happy Dad's Day Daddy!
-love jhoi
happy Dad's day to every father out there!:)
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
Saturday, June 14, 2008
i've been longing for this 12:22 AM
lately I've been busy for some reason i can't remember, ya, i know. early sign of Alzheimer's disease. i even forgot things that had happen this past few days, so let's take a recap [starting Monday, June 9 of year 2008]...
Monday:
so we all know that we should celebrate Independence Day on June 12, but due to some irrational change, our freaking president switched the Thursday holiday to Monday. oh well, at least got the time to spend with my father and little brother. so we watched movies: Kung Fu Panda and Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. and what have i learned from the movies?! well i've come to agree with that old and wrinkly turtle that there's no such thing as ACCIDENT. all things happen because we'll get something from it, like for example, i have car troubles just for possible reasons that I've been reckless and careless and that i should learn from the event and try to be extra careful next time, or we might bump at someone that could save our ass in future, or maybe someone annoying suddenly comes out of the blue and just take part in our lives even if we never got the chance to choose whether they can stay for long or just put them in dispatch because we never know, maybe that irritating person is the one who we'd end up with, for some unexpected but consequent reasons, well at least i hope... i've also learned that it's only through us things can become special. well it doesn't really apply for me at the moment. nothing seems so special for me in any way for now. well maybe things could change tomorrow...
Tuesday:
was the first day of my first semester as third year. so how was it?? it was like i was in some kind of freak show. everybody talk in a very discreet manner which i'm never used at. everybody look so intimidating, and as if stupidity kills within that crowd. waaa. i miss my old buddies. so odd yet so familiar, waa i'd miss yen ling, ayes, aireen, kat, raine, lulu, sam, jojo, kuya and ancel most... really. foe real!
Wednesday:
color coding. i'm supposed to go to Manila Doctors Hospital to have my nose and throat swab test and go to Manila Doctors College for my third dose of Hepa B vaccine, but due to unavoidable slothfulness, yup. you got it right. i just SLEPT the whole day... love sleep.
Thursday:
accomplished all unfinished requirements. and oh ya, before i forget. there's this unknown dude who happened to have same last name as mine, and insanely has same name as my first love which is really bizarre.
'Jhay Lerum' - yes. crazy.
i say he's 99.99% related to my family.
how come?
i dunno. i just know so. and besides, my last name is that rare that foe sure we're relative. i can't converse to him that much because i guess he stays in Bangkok, so there. very weird coincidence.
Friday:
which is just an hour ago. well, i went to school for a make up class on Maternal - Child Nursing? so ya. still thinking of a gift on Dad's day. and oh ya. i've changed layout. hope you guys liked it...
ciao for now.
You are everything i wanted,
and more...