philopopsicle once exclusive, now accessible to anyone. don't convince yourself that just because you have read some of my bloggerings, it doesn't necessarily follow that you already know me as a person. most of the words written here are just a burst of an immense emotion that needs to find a decent way of break through. i may not write well as you think you do but what the hell, it is my blog. and for those who appreciate, gratitude is my sincere shot.
Friday, August 29, 2008
let's just do it and forget about everything 5:24 PM
[i was moved by the statement written on the title]
the other day i was up all night thinking about some things. some things that are very difficult. i'm here again. i am here again in such a stupid cycle wherein im at the bottom. i cried for i wish i was never here. the rain exaggeratedly pour that made things even worst. i remembered... i remembered how deeply i fell. i remember how i get this tingly feeling that radiates up until the tip of my fingers. and how all this things leave me sighing for everything was impeded by distance. will he remain my un-fulfilled love? i was left behind... i dug so hard and so deep that i could bury big parts of our memories. but i couldn't let go of some fragments that makes it so hard for me to permanently inhume every single detail of what we shared. the hollow is still open waiting for some covering up. i'm standing beside the grave holding the fragments, crying for i couldn't let them go...
if i was so rude i'd tell you how i'm never sorry and how i never wish you well because you left me hanging, crying from the moment you told me you were leaving, because you left me that cause a huge feud with people surrounding me and even myself, because i cried for your help but you never come to my rescue, because i would want to bug your every audacity to come back to me. but because i couldn't do that to you, for some reasons which i'm sure you've already figured out, i am still here so eager for your return...
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
i have nothing to write. maybe later, on how disappointing this day was. 6:25 PM
[as of now, all i can be proud of is my sister. so try to see what she's been up to lately...]
[got this somewhere only i know. it was written by her.]
super expressive.someone different.exclusive. maricar can be a difficult word but hey its my name. believe me i don't care if your ugly; don't care if you look like somebody nobody expects.i dont expect something great from you; i just need your besst personality.
everybody is different and i respect that. YM: Maricar_lerum2001
My Loved Ones =]
0] Dad; was there trough everything. my doctor, driver, helper, cooker, and everything else. I never wished for another dad. cuz i got the best one.
1] GOD; made me unique made me like any other. ?
2]Bryan A; my main love he can be supah' sweet and i adore him more then anything. iloveyoudearly sweet thang. ? my ultimate happines:)
3]Mabel C; My most trusthworthy friend. shes always there to tell me whats wrong with me. and knows what i feel.
4]Rica F The wifey i will NEVER forgett. she is one of my inspiration's cuz she was there even thow we never saw each other.
5]Alyssa M; was there when i wallowed in those stupid tears. thnx for holding me when i needed it.
6]Jasmin S; The craziest gurl. was there when i needed her the most. and she totally adore's pancho.
7]Pancho S; the pimp. someone i look up to. his there to listen to me about his mistakes. always ohh so hungry.
8]Crazy H; he thought everybody to be expressive someobdy that really cares and doesnt give a fuxk weather your crazy or normal.
9]Mark L; he is a really nice person. he cares about everybody.
10]Jhoi L; my big sister. she was always the bigger person. and she thought me how to speak the hardest words of all. shes soo inspiring. been through alot so i learn from her mistakes.
11]Bianca L; my other big sister. always there to cook me food and keep me alive whenver my moomma aint here. thnx for sticking with me even thow i get on your very last nerves.
"theres something different about everybody, thats what makes them so unique"
Paper planes.:)
[here's one of random hip hop competition she joined at...]
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
Thursday, August 14, 2008
will you be here as i open my eyes? 1:25 AM
i have always blamed you for everything that had happen to me when i know everything was entirely my fault. but i can't help my self to once in a while, sit in the corner of my room, think of what could have happened, wait as i always did, wait for the moment wherein i'll exactly feel the feeling i've been trying to look for for more that a year now. how come i never get over this? i always feel like i'm almost there, but whenever i open my eyes, i always get the feeling of being disappointed because every thing was just a misinterpretation of the true stimulus i perceived. as i see things slowly coming to its clarity, it's hard to accept the fact that i'm not even close of getting over you and everything that we have shared.
i am a person of the past. i am more of an idealist that of a realist. i am a person who remembers every detail of an event. i even write things in my past because it is very valuable for me. it is a part of me that i will never be able to alter...
i tried to close my eyes again and taught of my plans. plans that was momentarily set aside. i dug into it once more and it didn't surprise me at all. it was full of you. everywhere are images of you and i. i came up to a realization that i never really made a new and concrete plans as these, honestly, i think i will never be able to make plans as firm as these...
my eyes are still closed, reminiscing on how things used to be. i am alone in my room. it's 5:00 am, and it's time to wake up for school. as my phone ring, the song that never fail to remind me of you is playing, my heart is beating hard that it is close to emancipating from its cage, i am fully awake, and i am about to answer. as i push the answer button, your voice calmed my stubborn heart from its skittishness. you told me everything there is to say and this is just the morning i've always looked for...
this is one of the things in my past that shook me. i didn't wanna open my eyes this time, because i just wish that as these eyes open, you would be in front of me, take my hands and dry these tears because nobody can ever do it exactly the way you did it and the way i wanted it...
i just really hope you're here as i open my eyes...
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
Monday, August 11, 2008
miss my hermanas 10:51 PM
MMMAAARRIIIICCCAAARRRR. <----- name. hey ladies and gentleman welcome to my page:). well as you can clearly see my name is Maricar. age is apparently none of your business*for now*. I live in LA. the place to live.. yea rite? imm sinnglle......for life. i think? but thats not one thing on my mind rite now. friends are basically my boyfriend;s and girlfriend;s. so dont need those personal ones. Bestfriends never last long unless they really know what i feel. I mostly have the passion for staying quiet and listening to what people have to say. and I try to get along with everybody. I'am in Middle School and i freakkin' hate it cuz the people i totally adore just left from there. Writing is my way of clearing things out of my packed mind and strangely calms me down. I don't like people who try to tend to be someone their not, cuz obviously they look dumb... well get at me. yeee?
[i got this from her site.]
[does she talk like me? or even better. proud of this baby. miss my sisters]
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
i am inLOVE. 7:15 PM
i am inlove with:
candidate no. 1
[Krissy Andrade]
Nurse from SCMC
candidate no. 2
[Hayley Williams]
Lead vocalist of Paramore
candidate no. 3
[Katy Perry]
One Hot Girl-Kissing Singer
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
Friday, August 1, 2008
That bitch is a dolt. And it's fucking contagious! 5:38 PM
I’ve been refraining of ranting for this past few weeks already and believe me, it doesn't help at all. Besides being such a sloth that I am, I’ve really really tried my best to keep my mouth shut and decided not to write about it at all, but really, I need to let this out. It’s like an urge I can't overrule no longer.
So yah. That bitch. She’s like a fucking leech. I don't know where she got all that guts to be letting her face flaunt all over me. To be fuckingly honest. I DISGUST HER! Just to know her really pisses me off. I hope she never really happened in my life. I’ve never seen such guts in my entire existence. And to top it all, she really thinks she have it all... as she said: "all that matters is face value". Really? As in really now? OH MY GOD. What kind of thing can mold someone that way? Is it from the school where she came from? Or the family she's from?!? Oh I have to drop it and let it go. For all I care where she is from? All that matters to me is that I can't take her anymore, seeing even just her shadow turns me upside-down. If I were to describe her, she's like a HOT tamale with all that chopped meat and arrogance, mixed with crushed peppers and her delusion of grandeur, highly seasoned of insensitivity and dope-ness, wrapped in discourtesy, disrespect and cornhusks spread, with masa and her unbelievable GUTS. and! and! and! To condiment her with all her amigas that are bunch of ingratas which can really give you some HELL OF A SHIT after consuming. Delicious huh?
To the QUEEN of damned,
I’ve thought of the consequences after writing and thought about it all over again after posting, but guess what, your feelings are really highly unacknowledged... not to know you nor to feel any of your presence will greatly be appreciated your highness.
Sincerely yours,
ARDENT-DESIRE-OF-YOUR-BANISHMENT
ARDENT-DESIRE-OF-YOUR-BANISHMENT
You are everything i wanted,
and more...