philopopsicle once exclusive, now accessible to anyone. don't convince yourself that just because you have read some of my bloggerings, it doesn't necessarily follow that you already know me as a person. most of the words written here are just a burst of an immense emotion that needs to find a decent way of break through. i may not write well as you think you do but what the hell, it is my blog. and for those who appreciate, gratitude is my sincere shot.
there were three things my dad mentioned yesterday.
it was:
- set ACCOMPLISHMENT as a goal and not SUCCESS
- be PRACTICAL. why spend too much for something that you'll be able to get in time? IN TIME.
- suppose to be, a parent's obligation ENDS at the time they have been able to let their children finish their studies and graduated. and those who use their parents' money for non-sense should be ASHAMED.
okey. so let me elaborate more of my insight.
FIRST STATEMENT. i think this is all about PASSION to help or individual improvement and development. how did i say so? well let's look for each word's definition. ACCOMPLISHMENT means successful completion or social poise and grace. while SUCCESS means achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted or gaining of fame or prosperity. so now i think it would be much more easy to differentiate. we should focus more in accomplishing, and completing what it is to be done by enjoying and learning from every hardships of our journey towards self betterment. do not focus too much on success, of getting desires like fame, wealth etc. because these things comes along with accomplishment. like a bonus. but i'm not saying accomplishing is easy. actually it's far difficult than success because it takes very very hard work and nobility in intentions.
SECOND STATEMENT. all about conservation and patience. money and time, 2 important things in one's life that should be used properly and should make use wisely.
THIRD STATEMENT. (all i can say is that i was really moved by this statement. bothered whether i was using what my parents' earnings wisely.) our parents work so hard to support our needs and to be able to give our wants also. but too much of wants is not good. ponder onto this: do you even realize how your parents work late just for you to be able to get that cigar you're puffing? or that booze you're drinking? or that entrance fee you're paying to be able to get into an expensive party event? or that electric gadgets that you don't really need just to be "cool"? or worst (for guys) to spend your parent's money for you to take a girl out and impress her. i say it's not yet time for you to brag to your girl that you can be able to give her whatever she wants because YOU STILL CAN'T! the food that we are all consuming still came from our parent's hard work. and our only job is to utilize it properly.
i'm saying this things not to lecture you but also ME, I, MYSELF. to be honest, i feel so guilty because i do some of the things written above. and now i can't show my grades to my dad because he doesn't deserve those. i know grades doesn't define my capacity and capability but it is a reflection of how i worked hard too as a payment for my parent's hardship... i didn't do well this time but that doesn't mean it will stay like that... i'd try to be able to do better next time.
urgh that statistics grade is killing me. an 81?!? what the hell? what's wrong with me? oh well... i'd really do better next time. besides, after all the conscience-ing, i'd really be serious this time.
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
ok. it's been long since i last wrote. so lets see. what can i say. i've been bumming around. jaded. not that jaded actually. i always find something to do like watch tv? read books? take care of my brother? clean? chat with friends? etc. so i'm not really that jaded. but sometimes i feel geeky because of the things i do... like for example reading Reader's Digest while i'm at the bathroom or read whatever just to get my self to sleep. i'm excited to write something about The Zahir but i'm still in the process of finishing the book. i recommend you read it too. it's really a good book.
so i have been party-ing too. and i think it's not a good thing because my dad is being so anxious about it already. i've been going home late. as in late. but i swear to my system that i don't drink or what-so-ever. maybe i sip just to know the taste. and besides, i have to drive home.
the thing that is bothering me too is that i don't like people seeing me as a party girl because i really am not. why? because it just doesn't suit me. maybe i can do it non-routinely or once in a blue moon, but not regularly.
look:
yah. so it's ok to be there once in a while. just to let loose, have a little fun and play beyond rules. but to make this as a habit? nah. not my thing. not even close.You are everything i wanted,
and more...
ever experienced being used by someone only for their own benefit? yah i know... it sucks. you can't say no because you're just being sensitive enough not to hurt that person. i don't know where they get these guts to boss everybody ELSE around them, most especially those who have no courage to say "NO." tsss. someday, i know those users, who think they got every power to make every one as their puppets, will get what they deserve.
those b******. i think they are best compared to parasites, bacterias, and viruses. oppurtunistic microorganisms which would really make someone SICK. but there are two defense mechanisms to react on those parasites. first is to just stay away from them because they wouldn't do you any good. if you can't dispose their unbearable behavior, then just kill those FILTHY PARASITES. or if not just stay close to them but never let them suck anything from you. just make them drool. besides that's what they really deserve.
so to those who are being used: duh! wake up! don't let those WHORE-ific PARASITES suck up all your energy. stand up and learn how to say "NO." keep a little dignity. don't allow them to treat you as their servants because you're not, and you don't deserve being treated that way. it's alright to give something or do something because that person is worthy for it... but if she's/he's telling you on what to do and can't stop on asking favors and and can't stop obliging you (as if naman they pay you of some sort. di naman.)... well that's not right anymore. let them do what they have got to do. don't be fooled by the pitiful look, or the pretty/handsome face they wear, or the flirting effects they do... because it wont do you any good. after all... even if you do whatever he/she say by heart he/she wont count it anyways... those parasites don't know what the word GRATITUDE means. they would just use you all they want and care until you're all weak... because those parasites have no CONSCIENCE, MORAL, and ETHICS.
and to the said parasites: be sensitive enough. if you can walk your way home or you could bring your book or if you could buy your own food well then do it. god. moving wont do you bad. besides you could burn that calories you got in your thighs. not because that person you boss around is weak or because they fancily like you or whatever, don't use this as an opportunity for you to suck up. be independent for heaven's sake! know your limits. and besides, kawawa naman yung mga ulol na ginagago n'yo. pfff.
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
haha. today is the start of semestral break. and i'm loving the feeling. no school works to worry about anymore. the only thing that ruined it is that i have to got to school tomorrow because we were marked as late-absent for just being 5 minutes tardy. sucky. and the thing too is we have to pay six-hundred and fifty pesos. yeah. pathetic. oh well, what can we do? we have to be trained to be on time and at the same time to be sucked by the use of our parents' money. ok now. change topic.
waaaaaaa. semestral break! sem break! break!
i have lots of ideas to be put in action this sembreak like to read tons of unread books in my shelf, or to clean my uber-messed-up room, to go shopping, watch tv and have a movie marathon, to go to enchanted kingdom with friends, to attend parties, to learn any instrument or sport maybe? haha. as long as the person who's going to teach won't charge me. haha. to attend an art class maybe? or to learn how to cook because my dad is already nagging me to learn. i've got lots of idea overflowing my mind... but i guess first thing's first. i have to prioritize my reqiurements to be able to study in a place wherein everybody is a stranger.
so what are the requirements i need to get?
well i need:
- college application for admission
- inernational student application
- copy of valid passport-passport-size photograph
- proof of english proficiency
- official high school, college/university transcripts with certified english translation
- financial verification of $15,500 for tuition fees and living expenses
- proof of recent tuberculosis testing
so maybe on tuesday i'd go to my highschool school to get transcript of records so that if i could be lucky (if LUCKY is the proper word to use) enough i could be able to study "there."
today i'm feeling odd. it's because my closest brother, kuya marx, left to go to dubai to continue his work. aww, i hate the feeling. i'm so gonna miss him. i didn't get the chance to go to the airport with him because i don't know, i'm not prepared maybe? and i just really don't want to see someone leaving. it's just so sucky. oh well, i hope he'd be ok there and take good care of himself. he's a big boy, i know he can.
when i woke up this morning i was browsing through my stuffs and at the same time i was fixing it because it a mess. i laughed as i saw my highschool class pictures. wanna see? to see my evolving appearance, it's just so cool. and also i missed the days wherein life was a breeze... encompassed with all girls schoolmates or is it all gurls? hehe, everybody is a friend, surrounded by strict nuns, clean and comforting environment. i just missed it so much. yuck i'm being nostalgic again. but it's really nice to recall good times, good memoirs.
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
october. gosh, i'm so preoccupied. too much of life i guess. or maybe i can't have my own time for my own life anymore. maybe i was so overwhelmed by the condition of others life, friends' life. it's not that i've been intruding of some sort, it's just that they were asking for my help and i'm willing to do so. did i ever mention that i wanted to be a psychologist? i wanted people telling me what they have got to say, to study one's behavior, to do psychological researches, testings, to give advises and counselings etc. maybe i was so deluged by the feeling that they wanted my help, and that's what i really wanted. to be able to ameliorate just by listening to their problems or just whatever they have got to say, to be able to be there when they needed something... like advices, opinions, suggestions or whatever... i can even do some critique-ing if they wanted to. or maybe to be able to help on things that i am good at or things i am versed at. but sometimes HELP can be viewed by others adversely. but i can not blame them... i guess sometimes you just have to know until when and where at some point you could help... that's why, i guess, i got the idea that i'm just missundaztood.
aww... i'm just too preoccupied this past days. finals which is a killer. that statistics test which is really a big horrible crap. i only got 3 answers which i am sure at and it was over 50 items... i really have got to prepare my self to see my flunking grades for this semester. my dad is so gonna kill me. (nah, he's not expecting or whatsoever.)
still am preoccupied... RLE and healthcare test comming-up. need to study. study. study. study.
and also, the thing that has been really bothering me lately is the up comming birthdays of people close to me...
so...
advance happy birthday to:
- my sister: Mia Bianca Lerum (oct.15)
- Ancel Joseph Litong (oct.15)
- Ana Marie Rae Toldoya (oct.17)
- Rozelle Avelino (oct.27)
- and my "bestest" friend: Krizienne Lyn Cruz Santos (oct.28)
wish you all guys a haPpi, hapEe, haPpY birthday.
love yah all :)
aloha (bye for now)
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
i have to write today. it's now or never. nah... i'd still write wherever, whenever, or whatever occurs. but since i've been ms.uberly-busy lately, and have no time for anything, to be excessively honest, this is really the only time i could be me and express my mind. talking to whoever and using this keyboard as an input. a stress realeser.
well i hate to make this site as a diary/journal. as you can see, i've never written anything that had happen to me on a specific day on the entries dated. it's because it would be a lame way to build a blog. atleast that's what i think. i opine that you make a blog to be able to put your thoughts into a written, or atleast typed words. which can freely be read by others or if not, atleast you have written it and have something to look back to when you're at your sloth and jaded mode (as time being). to be able to assess your self on how you write at a specific time. or maybe to be able to laugh at yourself because of the absurd thoughts that had unbelievably popped out of your loony mind.
oh well, i'm in the mood to write what had happen to me today. it's i think, not out of the ordinary. same as the other passed days wherein i have to cram because i have procrastinated, to study and focus my brain out for the test on the day to come, to be up the whole night and find my self sleeping and never wanted the morning to come because i can't get enough of the addicting indolence.
today, i'm a bit annoyed because i wasn't been able to answer my test confidently. not because i didn't study or also because i know the book by heart... but because the questions were ridiculous. well yah, i know that when a child complains that his anus (locally) is itching, it is caused by a pinworm that had migrated out of his anus, but what the hell, do we really have to know the specific name of the pathogen? okay okay... it is Enterobious vermicularis. fine, i'd never forget that. urgh. and what's with the gram positive and negative? do we really need to kno the characteristic of each pathogens? the shape, or whether it is structured by a chain or by cluster? pointless and senseless. and oh yah, i'm not ONLY talking about micro biology here but also pol gov. pester-ing. okay now, we get the point that we have to study the bill of rights for us to be able to know our rights and privileges, to know the power to be performed by the executive, legislative, and judicial departments. but what the hell do we know about certioari, mandamus, and quo warranto?!? fcuk. i don't know if the one who made the test is some sort of a moron. pure preposterous.
oh well, i still enjoyed the day. even if my car overheated. AGAIN. for the third time in history, since the alpha really begun... on which i was never too lucky in handling cars... so why did i had fun today? umm i guess two of the best reason is that: it's my day, which nobody has the right to disaccord. freedom of expression. and secondly i ate at Grams Diner with zien, a friend that i hyperbolically miss :)
not that much of a rant nor a tirade...
ciao!
You are everything i wanted,
and more...
[CAUTION: pardon me for all the uncongenial phrases and words. if you don't want to hear craps because you're too holy or whatever, just depart my site. thank you.]
stop overbearing your self-worth. you're worthless for us. if not just because you make / create our grades... hell, we wont give a damn about you. ENGINEER? oh please. where did you even graduated? all you can teach is crap. all you've shown us from the beginning of this Basic Statistics class is your SUPERCILIOUSNESS. what the fcuk! you're not even qualified as a professor what makes you think you're so superior? stop living by your title. to tell you honestly, IT DOESN'T SUIT YOU! i don't even think you passed the board exam and have a license. all you do is brag. if you're that so scintillating why do you have to teach? why don't you just go and operate engines? or manage an enterprise? (i don't have anything against engineers, it is just that that stupid jerk is ruining the creditable title of engineers and my dad is an engineer too.) why teach?!? you don't teach effectively. we don't need your blabs. we need to learn. teach us something. urgh. i so loathe you! where on the earth can you see a professor who only say discouragement for his students? all he can say is "if you can't pass Basic Statistics, well then i guess we'll see each other again next year." and also he keep on saying that he wanted us to fail. shit talking. why don't you start educating? because we're fed up of your boasting. i wouldn't wanna waste time dealing with airhead "professors" and waste money that my parents are working hard for. hell with you! asshole!
this is my site. i write to express and not to persuade nor convince. i just use this as an out-let towards my storm of emotions. i am only giving you the freedom to read through my mind and you're free to jot any opinions, but judgements? i don't need it. better keep it to yourselves.
what is written is written. i won't change a thing. love or hate the way i write, i don't count, it still matters.
for sam:
[this is an exchange for my jacket. i beg you please! give it back to me! hehe.]
a pessimist of nursing
do you really want the course you have taken? or are you just trapped in rationality of the situation? i bet you only take up nursing just because your parents either persuade you to take it or begged you to like it. or maybe, most of your friends took up Nursing and left you no choice but to imitate. Or i wage that you only take up nursing because of the money and a great chance that you could go abroad.
well, either which way, i know you know the fact why we all took up nursing. we all know the advantages and the disadvatages of this course. i have said that i am a pessimist of this course because to tell you guys honestly, i don't really want to take up this course. i only tried to take it for my parents and maybe for the sake of trying and maybe in time i may get the hang of liking it. but unfortunately, you can not fool yourself and tell yourself that you want something even if the answer is very obvious. it is not the matter of i not liking the course, or i not wanting the advantages i can get from nursing like the fact that i could earn great deal of money, the opportunity to go to other country, and the fact that i could have a title as a nurse, and also not because of the disadvantages and toughness of the course where in you have to compete with gazillion "nurse wannabes." But because my heart doesn't belong to it and i no longer feel the eagerness to pursue this course anymore.
i am not a quiter. but i most consider my self as "realizer." i am not discouraging you guys in taking up nursing, i am just simply using my self as an instrument for you guys to reflect if you really wanted this course or if you'd standby the decision you have started. i am also telling you, do NOT fool yourselves. know what you want and standby it. maybe nursing isn't for me, but also don't neglect the fact that maybe nursing is really for you guys. all i am trying to say is wake up and know where your heart really is and know what your heart really desire.
there. i made you one already. kahit minadali ko na. hehe. just ask me on how to deliver it nicely kung gusto mo lang. i am giving you the freedom to annotate it. add whatever you might wanna add. and don't forget to credit me... haha. just kidding:)
ciao and good luck!
You are everything i wanted,
and more...