philopopsicle once exclusive, now accessible to anyone. don't convince yourself that just because you have read some of my bloggerings, it doesn't necessarily follow that you already know me as a person. most of the words written here are just a burst of an immense emotion that needs to find a decent way of break through. i may not write well as you think you do but what the hell, it is my blog. and for those who appreciate, gratitude is my sincere shot.
Monday, August 20, 2007
a text that kept me motivated all day long. 6:26 PM
"Jhoi,gdnyt.just wana
say, i really still am
inl0ve with u..dont
reply..tipirin m l0ad
m.nxtwik mku2ha q n
sim k0..gdnyt ulit.."
God, i am still so lucky. all i asked from Him is to be able to let someone know that i love him and maybe regain the trust that i've lost. in time maybe, i'd be able to get that. (positive thinking, law of attraction.)
i wasn't really asking for a response now. i just want to take things slow. maybe be able to fix what you and your girlfriend have, which is really your plan. you told me that you can not let go of her because you can not hurt her and you can't leave her that easy. i so understand that. just do your thing, i'd just always be here waiting. (yuck i sound like a "concubine" haha.) but that's true, i'd just be here whenever you need someone to talk to.
i've been trying to study, but then i always get distructed because i miss talking to you. so all i do is to look at you message once in a while to be able to be motivated. awww,, HE STILL LOVES ME!!, yesterday when i've got the chance to read this all i can do is to smile even if i wanted to reply i didn't do so kasi baka makulitan saken e. haha. but i have a plan of texting him this evening, just to be able to let him know that i am always thinking of him.
umm, i remembered darwin asking me, at the time me and jay broke up, why was i so bitter to jay daw. well, yah i was for saying these two stupid phrases to hurt him: (i'd explain right after each phrases.)
1. wasted three years waiting.
[i got to say that because i really thought that everything between us was over. you already have a girlfriend and i already have a boyfriend too, and it was so ridiculous how the both of us, most especially me, got the chance to move on that easy. to be able to forget what we have been through for 3 years. and i just cant accept the fact that you've found another which is close to you. (you might think i am one jealous cheater, but i am just trying to be true to what i feel.) and i am sorry if i've said that stupid words. if you only know how important that three years is to me. to be able to feel that i was loved by you.]
2. thank you for proving me that i just made a great choice.
[haha. it just make me laugh. now all i can think when i remember that i wrote this is: "was i being SARCASTIC" or "that is just so ludicrous". you really know why i've said that?
here read:
(it is from joji's blog)
***
AWKWARD. That is my word of the day.
Don't blame me. Awkward is what you become when your brother brings home a girl and you somehow find yourselves (you and the girl) alone. Now, I don't really like giving people the cold shoulder but I just had to do it. It was like, a duty to womanhood especially if your brother already has a girlfriend somewhere else. And especially if you know that your brother and that girl has been up all night drinking in Clark Quay.
What is more awkward is going into his room and finding them cuddled up on the bed. Ew!
I so super hate my brother for being such a b*****d. Next time he teases me about having a boyfriend, I would be honored to throw in his face, "Hindi porket malandi ang kuya ko eh ganun na rin ako."
Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.
I am not against love. I am just against lust and early infatuation. I do not like my friends having relationships now because I want them to experience the full blast of love when the right time, and the right person, comes.
***
who would be happy to read this? oh well, you were not my boyfriend anymore at that time, yah i have no right to be jealous or what-so-ever. then again i was just releasing my annoyance through words. urgh, i just don't wanna read that text again, it just really annoys me...]
so there. i'm sorry if ever i had hurt your feelings with these words. i'd admit it was pure jealousy because i was never been given a chance to be that close to you. so i just released my frustrations with these two very stupid phrases.
You are everything i wanted,
and more...