philopopsicle once exclusive, now accessible to anyone. don't convince yourself that just because you have read some of my bloggerings, it doesn't necessarily follow that you already know me as a person. most of the words written here are just a burst of an immense emotion that needs to find a decent way of break through. i may not write well as you think you do but what the hell, it is my blog. and for those who appreciate, gratitude is my sincere shot.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
trying to keep my c.o.m.p.o.s.u.r.e. 12:27 PM
hai, every song in my playlist just makes me remember you. this life is so fucked up. never regreted anything in my life except hurting, and leaving you. never really felt suicidal in my entire life, but now i just wanted this pain to stop. i need rest. the only thing that is keeping me to move is to know that you are there, my friends and family are there, and wishing that someday our roads will cross again, and maybe, just maybe, you may get to feel the same way you felt before when you still love me.
i have 3 dilemmas:
i wanted you to know that i still uberly feel for you but then:
1. you might not believe me for every pain i've caused you. and not accept my love.
2. telling you that i love you and confuse you which might lead in ruining your relationship with joanne, which is not my agenda, or worst case senario: you might just ignore me.
3. NEVER tell you that i love you and that i can't live without you, and that you're the reason i strive and work hard. and someday end up regreting because i never told you how much i truely love you.:'(
but i guess, i'll just follow the third option. because i don't deserve to be happy, because of all the mistakes i've done.
i'm so frustrated. i wanna run after you but i can't find you anymore. it's just getting worst everyday. i need you jay. i need you!!
You are everything i wanted,
and more...