philopopsicle once exclusive, now accessible to anyone. don't convince yourself that just because you have read some of my bloggerings, it doesn't necessarily follow that you already know me as a person. most of the words written here are just a burst of an immense emotion that needs to find a decent way of break through. i may not write well as you think you do but what the hell, it is my blog. and for those who appreciate, gratitude is my sincere shot.
Monday, April 28, 2008
dads know too 7:52 AM
this day is killing me. a bit rainy and effin stilly. all i can do is think of 'unwished-for' stuffs. crap. i'm being such a schmaltz again. i should be doing something more productive like studying for my demo about cardio and respi, but what the heck am i doing? sitting around and doing this stupid blog just to lighten up my mood. i can't fuckin' cry, what the hell is wrong with me? urgh, i feel like i'm being like Cameron diaz on her movie holiday. i hate it.
this time i promise to listen to my parents and do whatever they wanted. i keep on making wrong decisions. i'm so great in hurting my self. next time i'd also be so cautious enough to choose and categorize friends. some are just good enough being less than a friend and more than an acquaintance. why? because most are just friendly enough and some are worth of treasuring for for life. sometimes i admire those people who are underestimated but says nothing about it anyways, like my current friend right now. being pushed around by ex-barkadas, and even talked about behind her back, but not even once have i heard anything bad about the ex-barkadas. so weak superficially, but so tough in facing fiascoes. i admire her because even if she was left behind hanging in vast space she never intended revenge nor getting to somebody if ever given a chance, instead she told me that she will never ever let her friend feel that because she never wanted a friend to pass through that kind of situation because she knows it never felt good. i admire her because she has a heart prettier than i ever imagined, and she has a heart more beautiful than what is apparent, more than a pretty face that deceives.
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.
Blessed are ye, when men shall hate you, and when they shall separate you from their company and shall reproach you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of man's sake. Rejoice ye in that day, and leap for joy: for, behold, your reward is great in heaven: for in the like manner did their fathers unto the prophets.
~
my dad and i were talking about my cousin just this morning. it alarmed me on how he knows that my cousin already had a boyfriend which by the way never even talked about and the thing is that even my cousin's mom doesn't know anything about. if moms has a great sense of intuition, creepy-ly, i think dads has that too. oh parents. how do they do that? sometimes i can't help but to think that my dad sends a hired spy just to follow me around and reports him what i do in the most detailed way i could even picture. he even knows his name and when he last saw the guy and he even knows exactly how he looks like. i know! it was horridly, horrific-ly, ghastly creepy! i can't help to think whether he knows any of my pasts too or maybe my speculation was true on how he's probably tracking me around when i do something vicious. hehe. i dunno. i guess i just have to be extra careful this time. yuck i'm being paranoid, as if my dad is really gonna do that. or could he??
oh well. as if i do legions of unacceptable shenanigans. haha. just a bit though.
hay.
i never thought it would be this hard...
You are everything i wanted,
and more...