philopopsicle once exclusive, now accessible to anyone. don't convince yourself that just because you have read some of my bloggerings, it doesn't necessarily follow that you already know me as a person. most of the words written here are just a burst of an immense emotion that needs to find a decent way of break through. i may not write well as you think you do but what the hell, it is my blog. and for those who appreciate, gratitude is my sincere shot.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
facing my own fear 7:11 PM
There are tons of things I am scared of. I'm afraid to sleep in a dark room, I'm afraid of snakes and lizards, while sharks and other fierce looking creatures really scare the hell out of me. But the thing that really scares me is the thought that I'd loss the people who meant to me most. But I am at my scared-est peak when I am angry, because I'm scared that I might loss control that I could say or/and do things that I might regret in the end. I just try to hide hints that I get scared to drive what scares me away. And of course I wouldn't blurt out the things I am scared of because I never wanted people to use it against me.
Of course I'm also scared that you might find your own rose and forget about me, but I know either which way it will happen. I'm just preparing my self of what is inevitable. I know I'm like Meredith who's all scared, alone, and as coward as any body else or maybe you think I wanted to do a heroic act. But I guess that's what happen when you get tired of same things over and over, and when the other talks about finding his own rose. Scaring me at where I am scared of. Who does that? Oh, this might get into you too much. I'm not saying all these because I'm asking you of a favor to stop scaring me or to tell you I want things back the way they're used to, but because I want you to know that I get scared too, but as the saying goes: Face your own fear, that way I might get the hang of it and leave me dauntless enough to let things the way they are supposed to. I know it's not easy, I like what is complex and not easy, it would be like sleeping in a dark room full of snakes and lizards crawling all over me. But I'd take it just to prove my self that I'm not that scaredy-cat who's excessively fearful of you finding your own rose.
rose, tss.
You are everything i wanted,
and more...