philopopsicle once exclusive, now accessible to anyone. don't convince yourself that just because you have read some of my bloggerings, it doesn't necessarily follow that you already know me as a person. most of the words written here are just a burst of an immense emotion that needs to find a decent way of break through. i may not write well as you think you do but what the hell, it is my blog. and for those who appreciate, gratitude is my sincere shot.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
paradoxical son of a bitch. 9:20 PM
how does opposites perfectly combine? i don't really know how he does it but he really does it well. he's a type of person that could make me so mad but the next thing he'd be the person who has my heart and makes it so blissful. he also tends to be oh so stupid who picks wrong timing and accidentally utters offensive words but the truth is he's brightest and smartest person i know who's striving so hard to ripen up the situation and works so hard to be meticulous of his choice of words around me. he's also the sweetest and the most insensitive person i know. very strong but at the same time the most vulnerable and weakest... i care for him most but in a very discreet way, i hate him the same way as i love him...
so i guess it's really over. we can now find ways to cope with our daily lives without the presence of each other. i wish i could move on that fast... so it's really this hard. effing crap. you feel like on the verge of crying every time you see the person who broke your heart. finding every ways to divert your attention just not to feel the stabbing pain that sweep of your feet from your coolness. i really hate being nostalgic. i can't fucking control it. it's a bitch. withstanding all the things i was never really used to do. walk alone. go home alone. not talk. eat food without sharing. talking to no one. he wasn't just some one. he was one of my best friends. i wanted to let go... how do i fucking escape this misery?
fuck nostalgia. fuck reminiscing. fucking burden.
my little brother went into my room asking me: "ate jhoi, wala na si david?" and all i can say was: "wala na." and then he's really gone. over.
i even told 'someone' how i felt... what the fucking hell has got into me? i wanted this. i was willing. i love being hurt. i want to be forgotten. i wanted to be ignored and set aside. i wanted to be on rock bottom. then after as i go up again everything would just be easier and lighter as compared to this point.
i am so afraid that i wouldn't be able to find someone like him. someone who'd fight for me no matter how hard i push him away. and would just stop loving me just because i said so... i guess the saying that: "the sweetest love was the one that got away" is really true. at least this was the ending that i could have wanted...
i loved him truly.
he passed. he got away...
You are everything i wanted,
and more...