philopopsicle once exclusive, now accessible to anyone. don't convince yourself that just because you have read some of my bloggerings, it doesn't necessarily follow that you already know me as a person. most of the words written here are just a burst of an immense emotion that needs to find a decent way of break through. i may not write well as you think you do but what the hell, it is my blog. and for those who appreciate, gratitude is my sincere shot.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
to leave or to be left behind? 9:57 PM
whenever this kind of topic caught my distance i really tend to get so emotional. [yuck. superficial.] you might think it was just some ordinary conversation we usually make, but to be honest, it is really a big deal for me. this is the kind of matter i tried to run away and escape from, but because eventually, maybe a year from now, this will be the matter that will hunt me down and surprise me no matter how i prepare my self of.
i cried when you told me your honest opinion about the matter because i do believe it will be harder for me in any angle we try to visualize it, and you can never deny the fact that i won the argument. for a moment i'm still lucky for i was given the chance to allot time with you guys.
addingthe fact that you were the one who opened that subject makes it harder for me to synthesize.
-shit i promised not to be emotional-
"YOU'RE MORE MATURED"
naks. we never get that kind of complement on a regular basis. i know. i am proud of me too, more than you know. less mad and less non-affectionate. sometimes it surprise me too on how i handle things now. sometimes it's never really about how that person sees you but on how you see yourself. plus i am less of a rant-er now. you're right, i guess i am different. [smiles]
so back to the previous topic...
like before when i always thought i would never be able to get over things, like i have never been able to get over up 'til now, maybe, just maybe, i'd be able to learn how to breathe the same way people does there. maybe in time... i'd be able to accept things are the way they are really suppose to. just come and go. like how easy he takes the air even if a part of him is to leave... i know i can learn that too. faster that i could ever imagine. but for now, the thought that the people who drives my will part out of my reach cuts every sanity left in my control.
tomorrow will be different.
welcome to coldplay's strawberry swing
peace out.
tnx bes for inspiring me to write again, needed it. :)
You are everything i wanted,
and more...